


The Bastard and the Bullet Wound

by thumbs_up_baby



Series: Spideypool Oneshots [1]
Category: Deadpool - Fandom, Spider-Man - All Media Types, peter parker - Fandom, spideypool - Fandom, wade wilson - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 14:45:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thumbs_up_baby/pseuds/thumbs_up_baby
Summary: Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man gets shot, and your friendly neighborhood bastard Deadpool has to fix him up.





	The Bastard and the Bullet Wound

“SPIDEY!”   
Deadpool yelled after Spider-Man as he was falling to the ground. 

The Merc spoke to himself as he shot the sniper and the remaining henchmen on the ground. “This was supposed to be a regular patrol, and this was supposed to be a small arms dealer, not... this!!” 

He saw Spider-Man’s body hit the ground and he almost shuddered at the sight of the impact. 

He got over to where Spider-Man fell to the ground. Spider-Man was shot in the abdomen right above his hip by the sniper. 

Trying to snap Spider-Man back to reality Deadpool spoke. “Webs! Hey Webs, can ya hear me?!” 

Spidey in a daze of confusion and pain, surrounded by noise struggled to stay focused.   
His eyes fluttered open and the lenses on his suit adjusted. “What? Deadpool?” He tried to get up “What happ- OW-“ but he quickly fell back to the ground in pain. 

Deadpool quickly applied pressure on the fresh wound. “Spidey don’t move you’ve been shot.” 

Having barely enough breath to come back at him, Spider-Man retorted. “Really? You don’t think I noticed?!” Respectfully Deadpool nods in response. “Oh no no no Webhead, I’ve just grown accustom to the pain of bullets tearing through me, but in your case,” he turns Spider-Man on his side to look at his back, to find and exit point for the bullet, “we’re some what fucked. Webhead I need to get you back to my place ASAP. And you’re gonna hate me for a bit...” 

Spider-Man was still unable to process what Deadpool said wincing from the pain. “What are you say- OW WHAT NO, NO PUT ME DOWN. RIGHT NOW.” 

“Webs I’m gonna need you to put as much pressure as you can on your hip no matter how bad it hurts ok? And it’s gonna hurt.” Spider-Man followed the instructions given even though it hurt like hell.

Deadpool began running to his apartment which was luckily nearby, but the impact of each step of Deadpool’s running caused more excruciating pain. Deadpool saw Spider-Man’s hand go limp allowing blood to escape from the wound.

“Spidey? Spidey?! Shit.” Deadpool starts running faster and busts down the door when he gets to his apartment. 

He clears the kitchen table with one swipe of his arm and gets his medical bag for when he has to stitch himself together. 

“Sorry Webs” Deadpool says as he cuts the top of Spider-Man’s suit off, he of course leaves the mask on, he’s not a total bastard. 

Wade tries to rummage around in the bag but can’t focus well so he rips his mask off. Spider-Man regains consciousnesses and sees Deadpool’s face. 

“Wade?” He speaks weakly. 

“Hey Webhead.  
Wait did you just say my name? Like MY name?” 

Spider-Man tries to sit up but fails again, Wade rushes over to him. “You gotta stop doing that Spidey you’re only gonna make the bullet thingy worse.” 

“Bullet thingy?” Spider-Man lets his head gently fall back onto the table. “I’m soo glad my life is in your hands right now.” 

“Why yes only the finest medical care on the block, Dr. Deadpool at your service.” 

“That’s debatable.” 

“Any who, how’d you know my name?” Deadpool just tries to keep Spidey talking, he’s lost a substantial amount of blood and it just keeps coming.

“I looked at Mr. Stark’s file on you, I’ve known your name for a while.” 

Wade finds a small pair of retractors. “Okay Spidey this is gonna be pretty uncomfortable.” Deadpool placed the retractors around the bullet hold began to pull back. Spider-Man hisses at the pain with a sharp intake of air. 

Deadpool was able to place the retractors correctly, next was the hardest part. Inserting forceps and finding the bullet itself. Unfortunately because of Spider-Man’s accelerated healing, some of the wound has closed up. 

“Webs. I’m gonna need you to take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.” 

Spider-Man did as he was told but the idea of taking calm deep breaths flew out the window once Deadpool began to push the forceps into the bullet hole.

“OH MY GOD, OW WADE STOP!” Spider-Man winced and squirmed under Deadpool’s hand, his breathing quickly became labored. 

Deadpool could tell Spider-Man need more air for this to even have a chance of working. “Spidey, I need you to take off your mask.”

“No, no way.” 

“Pretty please, it will make things so much easier and you can trust me hands down.”

“Absolutely not. You’re crazy if you think that’s ever gonna happen.”

“Well you’re even crazier if you think you’re gonna be able to get through this without having enough oxygen, I’d rather not have you pass out right now.”

“Touché.”

Spidey slowly comes to say. “Fine. I guess it’s only fair you know what my face looks like because I’ve seen yours..” He slowly slips his mask off. 

“I’m Peter, Peter Parker.” 

Deadpool’s jaw drops at Peter’s beauty for a second then Wade says, “Okay Peter I know you have accelerated healing so I’m probably going to have to tear through some skin to get to the bullet..” 

Peter speaks timidly, “Okay, but I’m not too good with.. PAIN! SHIT!” 

After a few minutes of prodding Wade is able to get forceps around the bullet but he still has to pull it out, and Peter keeps squirming. 

“Peter I need you to stop moving.” 

“THATS KINDA HARD TO DO WHEN YOU KEEP- mm” 

Wade kissed Peter to distract him from what he was doing, and just because he couldn’t contain himself anymore. He lets the kiss linger, then pulls the bullet right out in one clean movement. Causing Peter to lose consciousness again. 

“Well that was eventful.” Wade speaks to the unconscious Spidey on his table. 

Little did Wade know Peter had been fantasizing about kissing him for a while... Actually ever since they started patrolling together.

Wade wondered if Peter would remember when he woke up.. 

—

The next day Peter woke up in his pajamas, in his bed, and in his own apartment. He woke up confused but in no pain. 

Everything was normal until he went to get dressed and saw the scar above his hip. 

“Wait, it wasn’t a dream??”


End file.
